Being an escort is a little like being a flight attendant, except nobody gives you a safety demonstration, the passengers sometimes lie about their destination, and occasionally someone asks, if you can “make an exception.”
The job description is simple: Look good. Stay calm. Set boundaries. Charge appropriately. And never trust a man, who introduces himself as “Mr. Very Normal.”
People imagine glamorous hotels, champagne, expensive restaurants, mysterious men in tailored suits, and sophisticated conversations about art. Sometimes that's true. Other times, it's less Pretty Woman and more Customer Service Department at 11:47 p.m.
So here is the unofficial survival guide.
Rule No. 1: Trust your instincts. Your instincts are basically your internal security guard. And unlike most security guards, they don't take lunch breaks. If something feels wrong, don't spend thirty minutes trying to convince yourself, that you're being paranoid. Your brain is remarkably good at noticing things before your conscious mind catches up.
Rule No. 2: Boundaries are not rude. You don't need to deliver a twenty-minute TED Talk explaining your decision. Sometimes enough to say: “No.” “I'm not comfortable with that.” “That wasn't part of the agreement.” One of my colleges describes boundaries beautifully: “I'm not difficult. I'm just not available for nonsense.”
Rule No. 3: Always have an exit plan. Know, where the door is. Know, how you're getting home. Keep your phone charged. And make sure someone you trust knows, where you are. Your friend doesn't need a complete romantic screenplay. “I'm at the Grand Hotel with a man named Alexander” is useful.
Rule No. 4: Never confuse expensive with intelligent. A man can arrive in a Bentley and still spend fifteen minutes looking for his room key. Money can buy many things, yet it does not automatically install common sense.
Rule No. 5: Expect the unexpected conversation. Sometimes the strangest thing about a client it's, what he wants to discuss. You may arrive expecting champagne, sophistication and mystery. Instead, he spends two hours talking about his aquarium. You will learn about filtration systems, tropical fish, the emotional history of a particularly difficult angelfish named Kevin. At some point you will realize, that are a marine biologist, who forgot to negotiate the salary.
Rule No. 6: Comfortable shoes are civilization. High heels look fantastic, yet comfortable shoes are one of humanity's greatest achievements.
Rule No. 7: Hotel staff have seen everything. Never assume you're the strangest thing happening in a hotel. Hotel employees have witnessed proposals, breakups, secret meetings, drunken karaoke, people locking themselves out of their rooms wearing towels, and businessmen, trying to explain, why there is a goat in the lobby. So relax. You're probably not even in the top fifty.
Rule No. 8: Don't let awkwardness defeat you. Something can go wrong. The champagne will explode. Someone will trip over a suitcase. The room service will arrive at exactly the wrong moment with complimentary chocolates!” The secret is not avoiding awkward situations. Sometimes dignity is simply confidence with a sense of humor.
Rule No. 9: Know, when to leave. You don't owe anyone unlimited access to your time, your attention, or your patience. If something feels wrong, leave.
Rule No. 10: Keep your sense of humor. Because the whole world is absurd. And sometimes you will find yourself sitting across from a millionaire in a five-star suite, while he explains, with complete seriousness, why his French bulldog understands him better than his ex-wife.
Eventually, the ultimate luxury isn't champagne, a designer handbag and a penthouse overlooking the city. It's being able to say: “No, thank you.” And knowing that the evening will continue perfectly well without you. Preferably somewhere with comfortable shoes.